an ocean buoy

reprinted from instagram


I saw this buoy three days ago as I crossed out of the Monterey Bay in 15-20kt headwinds and uncomfortable seas (photos never really capture these). There it was, a bright sunshine yellow, hanging on against the tide, current, and wind, in 4000+foot depths and yet anchored nonetheless. I keep going back to it in my mind, watching it struggle and stand firm. I wonder, how does it stay anchored there in such deep water? These are the things I think about at sea, things I find it so challenging to put into words to tell you. I saw a buoy. I am still thinking about it. I feel like that buoy sometimes. Only, I have fears that buoy doesn’t have. I am afraid my mooring will break. I am afraid the winds will tear me apart. I am afraid the seas will bash me to bits. But it’s the fears that eat me up and wear me down. Not the wind, the waves, the current, or the deep water. I sail to face this and to write it on my heart.